Umphorog
The Decapybara

The umphorog loves boys and girls,

Who don’t listen to their parents’ rules,

For when the little ones won’t behave,

We take them down to the umphorog cave.

In a deep dark hole live the umphorogs,

Settled in snug in a nest of logs.

With their long, long teeth, they like to chew,

But their favorite thing to chew is – YOU!

– Nursery rhyme from tribes of the Arhagomph Peninsula

            Brother Castillius of Mssr. Flomp’s Seventeenth Order (Red Brigade) lived on the Arhagomph Peninsula for many years while he transcribed the natives’ oral history. Though his ostensible mission was secretly a cover for a scientific inquiry into the Arhagompians’ rapid growth rates, that inquiry subsequently gave way to another: the investigation of the umphorog. Sadly, Brother Castillius perished at the teeth of his subject, but some of his notes survived.

            The umphorog is considered mythical by outsiders, though the natives know it is real. The distinguishing characteristic of this unusual rodent is not its rotund body, ratlike tail, narrow legs, or even its hinged jaw, which, like a snake’s, can consume prey wider than itself. The distinguishing characteristic, which is not even visible on first sight, is the rate of growth of its teeth. The teeth themselves are notable, of course, but far more intriguing is the fact that the forward incisors routinely grow as much as six inches in a single day.

            This rapid rate of growth forces the umphorog to live a rather unusual life. It must gnaw on hard objects constantly or have its teeth grow to an unusable size. The omnivorous umphorogs seek out objects to chew on – that is, prey – far in excess of their nutritional requirements. Hunger is not their motivating factor; comfort is.

            Umphorogs prefer hard chew toys. The harder, the better. They can gnaw through a good sized tree in a single morning. Bones take longer; stones, longer still. Metal is highly prized by the unintelligent umphorogs, who recognize that they can gnaw on it for months before wearing it down.

            Although the umphorog has a vicious bite, it is feared more because of its irrational pursuit of hard objects. Umphorogs will attack any creature bearing metal objects, which umphorogs highly value. They seem to have no regard for their own safety, but perhaps with good reason; it appears that the rapid tooth growth is an expression of a high metabolism, which also manifests as a rapid healing ability. A wound on an umphorog heals as rapidly as its teeth grow.

            Luckily, there are very few umphorogs in the world. They mate sporadically, with no apparent regularity, and never produce more than one young at a time. An umphorog’s territory is clearly marked by felled trees and a decimated landscape. Anything that can be chewed has been chewed, from tree trunks to rocky outcroppings.

            As Brother Castillius discovered, umphorogs invariably live in caves, which they enlarge through constant gnawing. A long-occupied cave will have tunnels extending deep into the earth at the height of the umphorog, with careful examination showing that they have been carved by a rodent’s teeth. The natives of the Arhagomph Peninsula know well enough not to venture into these caves (as evidenced by their nursery rhymes), but foolish wanderers, such as Brother Castillius, occasionally learn this lesson the hard way.

Umphorog

Medium-Size Beast

Hit Dice: 2d10+4 (15 hp)

Initiative: +0

Speed: 20 ft., burrow 10 ft.

AC: 13 (+3 natural)

Attacks: Bite +4 melee

Damage: Bite 1d6+5

Face/Reach: 5 ft. by 5 ft./5 ft.

Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Gnaw

Special Qualities: Fast Healing 3

Saves: Fort +5, Ref +3, Will +0

Abilities: Str 16, Dex 11, Con 14, Int 2, Wis 9, Cha 12

Skills: Spot +5

Climate/Terrain: Any land and underground

Organization: Solitary

Challenge Rating: 2

Treasure: None

Alignment: Neutral

Advancement: 3-4 HD (Medium-size), 5-8 HD (Large)

COMBAT

            Umphorogs attack in a single-minded fashion. They attempt to grab the closest target between their teeth, then gnaw him until he is dead. They repeat this attack on each opponent in turn.

            Umphorogs never have treasure. They gnaw their victims’ goods to pieces between encounters. But they covet metal for its hardness and long-lasting use as a chew toy. They will attack armored characters on sight.

            Improved Grab (Ex): To use this ability, the umphorog must hit with its bite attack. If it gets a hold, it can gnaw.

            Gnaw (Ex): Once an umphorog has an opponent grappled, it will chew on them with its enormous incisors. This gnaw attack causes 2d6+5 points of damage.

            Feast Healing (Ex): An umphorog heals 3 points of damage each round, so long as it has at least 1 hit point. Its teeth cease growing while it is healing.